本帖最后由 赵偌涵 于 2020-10-16 09:24 编辑
什么样的文章才能上6？7？： 大家对评分标准很熟悉了 但是 分数怎么还是上不去啊
那么，今天就带大家来看看不同分数段的范文
Mobile phones are a perfect thing for the elderly. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
先看看这个题目，确定好是什么类型的题目，然后再花几分钟时间构思。最后再来看看范文。
The mobile, a great invention which has been changing the way how the youngsters communicate with each other in 20th century, also generates profound impacts on the senior citizen’s lifestyle. As the cell phone is growing in popularity with the elderly, many people begin to question whether this new gadget can be really a blessing. I believe the cell phone is a generally positive thing in the lives of the aged people.
To begin with, the proliferation of the mobile phone made it more convenient for the elderly to have a chat with their relatives and friend. It is unquestionable that the elderly could enjoy the mobile phones without wheres’ and whens’ limit, which most of us could not even begin to imagine before. Consequently, the mobile phone will probably be a necessity to the old. For many at lease, this is definitely true. Particularly, if there came an emergency, medical aid could be only a phone call away.
Moreover, a rich variety of functions of cellphones are widely available there, thereby enriching the life of the senior citizens’ retirement. These functions combined with the plenty of free time of the aged are creating a vibrant twilight years when they could explore various activities and challenge themselves in new ways, such as cooking, hip-hop, Tai chi, to name just a few.
To be fair, however, there can be some unique challenges. In fact, it does not seem like a no-brainer to skillfully use a mobile, and it always struggles to live up to a real mobile phone owing to the barriers in complicated operating systems for the elderly. Software installment and updating do fuel this concern. But to reiterate, as the manufacturers become more supportive in affording the services for those problems, it would not be difficult to address such problems.
Therefore, it is safe to say the mobile for the elderly is a generally positive thing. Despite some troubles in the old user experience, the further advancements in the mobile phones will better suit the needs of the elderly in the near future.
看完这篇文章后，大家可以在心里默默打个分
接下来就来揭晓分数 5.5 （TR 6 / CC 5 / LR 6 / GRA 5）
可能会有同学很疑惑，为什么才5.5呢？我们一期来看看考官的comment吧
‘This essay is a way too long at 349 words instead of the advised 250-275.’ --- 写文章的时候一定要注意合理的安排和控制字数，不能过长也不能过短
‘The development of ideas needs to be improved, so the steps are more logical in thought and clearer to understand on just one reading and not two.’ --- 文章出现的衔接处用下划线加粗标记出来了。虽然全文有基本的连接，但是手法比较单一，并且没有展现出论述前后的逻辑关系。
‘the vocabulary is generally suitable and the candidate uses some medium to low frequency vocabulary and collocations’ --- 标绿的词汇是用的不错的，但是 ‘There are a few errors in the introduction paragraph with the use of articles and a few slightly awkward reading sentences.’
所以大家明白了吗？你们的问题是不是也在今天提到的点之中呢？
那么，我们来看一看下一篇
Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
While the proliferation of science and technology enables females to enjoy a wider range of fields than ever before, I still adhere to the preference of different genders on different jobs.
Currently, females are getting much more represented in numerous fields by virtue of their acquisition of science and technology, especially in the fields where talents and abilities are concerned and strength is not essential. A glance at the jobs like pilots, network engineers and the like is sufficient to demonstrate this.
To be fair, however, a rich variety of physically-demanding jobs are not fit for females, for their physical inadequacies. A relevant example would be the jobs like miners, logger, sailors, ironsmiths or butchers, which can be a great challenge to women. In this regard, however(by contrast), males have natural advantages in physical strength, contributing substantially to superior performance in these jobs. Besides, the man, who traditionally serves as the role of bread-winner, tends to accept certain occupations, regardless of their willingness or interest.
Moreover, males are more likely to have better logical and critical thinking. To illustrate this, accountants or math teachers always match them perfectly. In most cases, males are better at analyzing problems than their female counterparts. They have these abilities by nature. However, paradoxically, these merits may not make them stretched enough in other jobs such as nurse or kindergartener with requirement of patience and care instead.
On the whole, while the benefits of science and technology allow an equal chance to both men and women in certain jobs, they should fall into their respective roles so as to deliver best performance. And we should make sure that under no circumstances should we harbor sexism in the workplace where a person’s individual ability is, for sure, far more important than their sex.
这是一篇高分范文，大家可以仔细阅读，再分析一下文章内容，最后再评论处给出你的分值。【可以附上个人想法啦！】
具体讲解我们下期再来揭晓！
以上就是今天和大家一起分享的内容！后续更新，请关注【环球雅思】
来环球，去全球
作者|张灵娇
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